We are all Craving Something

anxietydepressionself-worth
Written By Celeste Osborne

As a therapist, I work with all types of people, teens, men, women, and couples, I have discovered there is one main thing we all have in common. Every single person who exists or has existed at one point or another has one desire that at is at the core of who they are. It doesn’t matter how they grew up, what they experienced, how privileged they were, what race they are, or what gender.

There is one thing that everyone desires.

What do you think this desire is? Is it a desire for money? For things? For friends? For the big house? For prestige? For the perfect body?

No, those aren’t it. I mean these are things that people want and are desires of some. But I would not say these are the things that everyone has in common. What is it, you ask?

Unconditional Love and Acceptance.

I hear this time and time again, from the teens I see to the adults I work with, everyone desires unconditional love and acceptance. They may not be specifically asking for this in these words, but it comes out in other ways, like ‘I am afraid to do things for fear of being judged.’ ‘I don’t like who I am, why would anyone like me.’ ‘I don’t have any friends.’ ‘It’s ok, if we broke up, it won’t matter, I will move on.’

  • People are craving that unconditional love. They need That love that shows them that it doesn’t matter who they are or what they have done. We need to be accepted and loved.

  • We as people are craving love and acceptance, from others. It isn’t a selfish desire to be loved and accepted, it is a need, at the core of who we are.

  • We need to be loved and we need to be accepted.

Accepted as a person with value, who has worth. Now that doesn’t mean we will accept all of your choices as being good, right or moral, but to be accepted as a person who matters.

So the question I have for you, is if we all need to be loved and accepted, why do we not love and accept others? If it is at the core of who we are and what we need, why are we not showing that to others, why are we depriving others of the same need we have?

This is where it becomes selfish, we don’t like to show love to someone else if we aren’t first receiving it or have received it. Now we may not consciously think that, but we do it with our actions all the time. We have this thing in our culture today that we do to others what they have done to us. We are encouraged to treat someone they way they treated us. I know I have been guilty before of thinking, well that person was a jerk, so just be a jerk back to them.

But we have it backwards.

You may have heard this while growing up- “Treat others as you would like them to treat you.” You may have heard it called the Golden Rule, but I believe it orginated in the Bible, in Matthew 7:12- “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you…”

Let me repeat that- Do to others as you would have them do to you. Let me rephrase that. Treat others like you want to be treated.

Why did we stop doing that?

Why do we treat people like they aren’t worthy of us, or worthy of our love? Why do we treat people like they are scum of the earth? Why do we act like we are better than someone else because of how they look or dress, or what color they are. Why do we think it is ok to treat someone else like they don’t matter?

We are searching, longing for someone to care for us, to love us, to accept us. Which means that others are searching, longing, for someone to care for them, love them and accept them.

So why are we depriving others of what we are ourselves are longing for?

There is so much division and hatred that permeates the world we live in. It is very much the norm to see bad things happening and people spewing hate towards each other that when someone is kind to someone or nice, it becomes national news. But the thing that gets me, is that the national news of kindness seems to be what everyone actually wants to see. We love those videos or pictures of random acts of kindness, those quickly become viral videos that are shared all over and then pretty soon its on the news. We love to see good things happening to others.

If we like it so much, why isn’t that the norm? Why isn’t the first thing you hear and read about someone being kind, or showing love to others. Why is it that the hate crime, or racists comments are the first things we hear about?

At the core of who we are, we need love and acceptance. So let’s start showing it, without expecting something in return.

–My favorite quote is- Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.– John Watson

We don’t know what the person next to us is dealing with. But we do know that we are all craving love and acceptance.

Show love today. Accept someone for who they are today. You need it, the person next to you needs it.

Restoring Hope Counseling has multiple Therapists on staff with some who are able to take insurance, and some who are interns and provisionally licensed staff, who can provide counseling at a discounted rate. They all provide in Person or Telehealth sessions. Visit our “Meet our Team” page or contact us for further information to help you find the person who is the best fit for you.

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How Gratitude Improves Mental and Physical Health